2017 is already a wild ride

Let's NOT sugarcoat it, I am JOBLESS, unemployed, out of work, lazy millennial bum, trash, useless, inactive whatever is rolling off the people's tongue these days okay that's me.

I mean personally I'm not mad. I chose this. I willingly put in my two-weeks and left without at least making sure I had the promise of another job elsewhere. WHICH EVERYONE TOLD ME TO DO. My parent's (dad most specifically), even an old coworker who was like "DON'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE I DID" But I was like,

"Nah man you found three jobs after you left this joint, I will too" 

NO. Hindsight is 20/20, and this is one of those moments I wish I listened to someone!! In my head I was like oh I'll leave this place and be able to find another job no problem. Not only am I having so much trouble finding a new job that pays me at least what I left HDOS with, but I'm also trying to set the bar higher and not do fast food. I refuse to cook other peoples food anymore. I can't. I'll serve, but not cook. Also I have to find a job in reasonable distance since I don't drive. I'm struggling okay. I'm twenty let me live and learn and frantically try to figure it out.

And to top it off I feel like I'm on a timer because Dom&co will be moving in and I feel like I need to be working before April so that way I can contribute my fair share, so it's like I'm on this crazy deadline of now one month. Plus I still am unsure what I actually want to do for school. I'm thinking learning a trade like massage therapy it's always hiring here, but my dream is to teach, but I have anxiety and today's kids are horrible!

Just let me... 

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~ 

all better..

I'm hoping if I play my cards right I'll get through this period stronger and on a better path then I am now... If I'm even on ANY path at all. Today I'll fill out some more apps, I'll study the DMV booklet again, I'll finish my FAFSA, but first I'm gonna go with a bunch of YSA kids to the temple and maybe I'll feel some spiritual revelation to help me through this. Not saying I don't have faith, but I doubt it. I'll be looking for it though!

On a Rainy Day

It's a rainy, gray, Saturday morning in my humble little town and what do I decide to do? Go out on a crazy adventure to get some crafts and candy for a dear friend who will be leaving our ward next week.

This friend like me suffers from anxiety, but unfortunately I fear hers is even worse. I figured moving must be really hard on her so I wanted to do some sort of nice gesture to hopefully help ease the anxiety that goes with moving wards and homes.

And thus the "Care-bag" "Goodie-bag?" idea was born!

I gathered some of my favorite "anxiety relievers" such as my favorite (CAFFEINE FREE obv) teas, face masks, and these steam eye things that honestly are gonna save my life! Plus some of my favorite candies and tried to wrap it up ala, "goody-bag" style. Which turned out to be way harder then I thought!

Things that trip me out

I'm 20.

This has got to be the biggest one. Whenever I say it, it just doesn't come out naturally. It's foreign. Like accepting I was nineteen was nothing no big deal. I wasn't excited, but it wasn't weird or unreal. Something about 20 though. It's powerful, it's honest to God scary. Maybe it's because there is no longer a "teen" ending my age thus signifying that by numerical years spent on the Earth I truly am a representation of an adult. Mentally though... I'm still feeling like I need to catch up. The only "solace" I have for this is that most twenty year olds don't know what they're doing either, so it's okay. Thankfully I may be "old" but I still have a life ahead of me to figure things out. 

But what scares me most is this thought I had. If I die tomorrow the news will report 20 year old WOMAN dead. And something about the term "woman" to describe me is odd. Like jokes aside, I think I'm starting to understand that old Britney Spears's MV when she's on the mountains singing about how she's not a girl, not yet a woman lolol 

I'm a Mormon.

This one doesn't shock me as much. Not much has changed since my baptism besides me not drinking or swearing* anymore and trying to be a bit more modest at least in public. Sometimes I do forget though, or it doesn't occur to me until I'm talking to someone in the church and I think something like "Yeah they're Mormon" and I have to have a Dora the Explorer let's stop and think moment and realize, "Oh wait... me too..." Most friends assumed I was LDS anyways and I grew up in a LDS family so I knew what to expect and was ahead of the game.

I'm attractive.

Or maybe not "attractive" but attracting? Not saying oh pity me I'm ugly. I can safely say I got over the whole low-self esteem routine once I left high school and had no more girls to compare to I guess, Idk. Wish I left the social anxiety in high school too can't have it all, POINT IS. I've noticed a lot more attention from male counterparts this year specifically. At first I just thought it was a weird alignment of the stars and the universe tripped out or something, but then I would attract more attention. Maybe cause I'm with the public more? A "Singles's" Ward? Idk. Maybe there is truth behind the whole "confidence attracts" sayings because I look and act the same honest! Only difference is I'm way more sure of myself. 

So that's cool I guess.

LUSH "Mermaid Water" Cocktail♡

Lush is love. Lush is life. Lush is probably going to clean out my bank account. Not like there's much cleaning to do

So, long story short Marshell and I went to Lush and I couldn't resist the urge! I had to buy my all time favorite bath bomb, the Big Blue. I also bought Intergalactic, but passed that to my mom. At check out the lady asked if I wanted to try a bubble bar. A classic upsell technique, but I was willing to spice up my bath time routine, so I asked her what she recommended. She said if I used the Sunnyside bubble bar with the Big Blue it'd make a pretty bath time cocktail called Mermaid's Water - 

AND FOR ONLY AN EXTRA $10.95, I WAS SOLD.

I know dropping an extra $10.95 is not cheap ok, I work minimum wage fast food for Pete's sake.

Now the thing with a Lush bath bomb is you can't just use them in any ordinary bathtub... Well at least I can't!  So I had to go somewhere a little less my bathroom and a little more class. I had to go to my mother's house. Sorry Pops, but Mom's tub has jets and a bluetooth speaker in the bathroom!

You know the house is fancy when the tub and shower isn't a 2 in 1 lolol

Before Big Blue

After Big Blue. Seriously the best bath bomb ever! It has real seaweed and the smell is heaven! Also the pink rectangle floating on the left is a My Beauty Diary face mask from the Arbutin Whitening collection! One of my favs as well♡

Here comes the moment I've been waiting for!

Sunnyside bubble bar. According to the website it's guaranteed to turn your day LIFE sunny side up!

The instructions said to only crumble half, I was skeptical, but I'm gonna follow the rules sooo...

It started with a mild lather which had me a little worried, but now is a good chance for everyone to see how adding the bubble bar also tinted the water turquoise and gave it lots of sparkles! "Mermaid Water" indeed.

Maybe it was the jets, but it did lather up much more later on and it was divine! The bubbles were so silky soft and they're was the perfect amount! Also it was glitter heaven, so if sparkles are your thing you'll be very pleased!

While all this was going, I had a classical music playing via the bluetooth speaker. It was this cute little playlist called Sunday Afternoon at Grandma's. I never wanted to get out! I took the time to pamper myself to a hair and face mask, snapchat my bathing experience (brag; nothing lewd), plus scripture study because I'm on that #InvestigatorLife now lol. #092416 ♡

Enough preaching though, everyone needs to head to Lush and treat themselves! 

Long time gone: Resolution check up and My life since

Wow, it's crazy to think the last time I made a post was in April! Ok quite frankly it's not crazy at all it's not like I was really blogging in a timely matter anyways so... I don't even write in my diary anymore... I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad.

I ended up stumbling on my own blog (after I once again forgot I had one) and decided to read it all because I'm narcissistic like that and I barely have any posts so why not? With great sorrow I read upon my 2016 New Years Resolution List.

Out of the twenty main goals I made for myself I can only say I've done four so far fml.

• "Go for walks with Cheesie. Ride bike to the park"

Let's be honest I am only doing this because Pokemon Go sooo...

• "Eliminate soda and other beverages I know I shouldn't be drinking from diet"

Eh, i'm still drinking Sprite and the occasional "other beverage" but I'm doing good.

• "Save up a part of checks for sole purpose of having a shopping spree."

Why did I think this was an actual goal??? I do this all the time and it causes me pure hell?? 

• "To not be a disgusting slob in bedroom cleanliness."

Actually did! My room actually looks quite nice lately even now!!

I feel so bummed because it's been EIGHT MONTHS. That's more than half the year and I did nothing. Like all seriousness I better go skiing this year and buy a sketchbook because I'm really feeling despair over this year I wasted.

Using the word "despair" made me think of this guy and omg I'm posting a meme from an old anime a watched in my weeb days I'M REGRESSING!

Well despite the current state of my resolution list I haven't done nothing. In fact some interesting stuff happened in the four months I was absent.

My job went down leaving me practically jobless and working other locations. My bank account went into the negatives for the first time this JUST happened today yay!! I paid off very old library fines before this so that's a relief. Payday is Friday though and my job is back so I'm not stressing to hard.

I am much more social. Not entirely by choice, but a big thanks to Pokemon Go.

Also here is a big one! I'm talking to LDS (Mormon) Missionaries. I'm also going to church as an Investigator for the first time and not a Visitor. I always said that if I ever joined a church it'd be the Mormon church. Mainly because I grew up with it in a way. My family is mainly LDS and I've been visiting since Primary. I went to Young Womens and Girls' Camp and even now without my grandparents taking me I am going and attending the Relief Society meetings (among other YSA meetings). I know how the church culture goes for the most part and never feel quite right when I'm in another type of church or worship service. Also most importantly I believe in this church and what it has to offer.

September 24 exactly one month from today is the day of my baptism.

I went to a Too Faced event at Ulta!

Dominique signed herself and I up for an event at ULTA run by Too Faced! 

My dumb self came with a full face of makeup that the poor girl had to take off.

They had a bunch of makeup artist giving full makeovers and giving lots of tips and tricks! The lady I had, Erin(?) was especially great! She did my full face and did a lot of techniques I usually would never want to consider, but now I'm gonna try. Highlight, bronze, blush, bright  lipsticks, etc. 

Definitely inspired me to step up my makeup game!

*this too happened about a month ago and I'm just now getting 

around to posting it. I'm trying to clear up my drafts!

Oops, I did it again!

By "I did it again" I mean "I went blonde again" and 

by "Oops" I mean it was 100% intentional and wanted.

I feel this is a moment worth blogging.
even if it happened over a month ago whoops.

Ayee lurkers follow me on Snapchat though
@AlexTeriah

Fight Like A (Magical) Girl♡

Gratefully, I have no horror story behind why I felt the need to buy self-defense products, *knocks on wood and prays this continues* but just because I have no said "horror story" doesn't mean I shouldn't take precautions for my own safety.

Like the proverb, "don't lock up the stable after the horse is stolen," 

You shouldn't wait for some tragedy to occur to finally take precautions. Especially the ones that could potentially save your life!!!

When I told my dad about my new self-defense purchases,  I expected him to be all proud about me being cautious. Instead he said,

"I wish you came to me first if you wanted to buy self defense stuff"

"what we need to get you is bear mace, like Dog the Bounty Hunter AND a taser"

I'll make sure to add that to my list dad. For now though I have my gold pocketknife, two things of pepper spray (both pink one for my lanyard and one for my purse), and a gold owl/kitty brass knuckle keychain thing which is probably more effective than my keys.

and it's all held on by my new Sailor Moon lanyard, so I'm always reminded to Fight like a Magical Girl♡

PSA! The difference between Lilac and Lavender!

Lilac is a warmer color with more pink-red hues to it.

Lavender on the other hand has a bluer hue to it and it's cooler! Hence why the phrase is lavender-blue dilly dilly. 

Shut up Alex, it's fucking purple.

#SoPretentious 

No I won't shut up! It sucks when you're online shopping for what's supposed to be your lavender bedroom and you buy a bunch of different items that are marked as lavender! Then you get them and they're lilac or some varying shade of purple.

I wanted my bedroom to have a dreamy lavender effect, but instead it's now the fucking setting for Fifty Shades of Purple.

NY16 RESOLUTIONS♡

It's January 1st. 

Que the annual "New Year, New Me" nonsense

and here's gratuitous photos of me to began 2016♥
it's only cider in the picture.

My resolution is to fix my long departed physical and mental health.

• Wake up with the sun, fall asleep at a decent bedtime.
• Start morning Wailana yoga and Bikram yoga again.
• Watch the sunrise and fall more often.
• Go for walks with Cheesie. Ride bike to the park.
• Eliminate soda and other beverages I know I shouldn't be drinking from diet.
• Write and doodle more! Buy a sketchbook! Paint!
• End the day with meditation.
• Make a workout plan! Start jogging again!
• RESTART MY HOOP JOURNEY!

Another resolution is to invest in myself.

• Get my hair done professionally. Get hair trims, blowouts, deep conditioning treatments.
• Get nails done more then four times a year.
• Stop being lazy and take the time to do make up and hair.
• Research different hairstyles for my type hair.
• Research new makeup techniques.
• Save up a part of checks for sole purpose of having a shopping spree.

Also working on my future is my resolution.

• Get my drivers license finally!! (I swear this has been on my resolutions list for like four new years  now...)
• Get my own car.
• Go to college.
• Maybe even a new or second job.
• To not be a disgusting slob in bedroom cleanliness.

Lastly I want to go somewhere I never been (new state, country) and try something I've never done before (idk probably skiing)

19+ The Apartment Project

And before I get all angsty and forget to actually talk about what the hell my Apartment Project is let me start on a sweet note...

I got my birthday wish and petted a sheep!! So when I'm looking back on this blog I will now remember my nineteenth birthday as the birthday my wish to pet a sheep was fulfilled!!

Now for the angst that comes with the age nineteen. I wasn't really excited for my birthday this year. I mean what's so special about turning nineteen? You've already been a legal adult for a year and you still got two more years till you can go off and legally drink. The way I saw it nineteen and even twenty were just pointless filler years inbetween the anticipated eighteen and the exciting twenty-one!

Well as I'm learning with most things I thought about "adulthood" I was wrong completely. Turns out nineteen is an important age. It's the age that you are right on the border of adolescence and adulthood. Sure you can walk around and say your grown technically, but you don't have much in life to show for it. Sure you can argue you're still a young teenager (nineteen), but best believe someone's going to check you if you act like one. You're fresh out of school and society now expects you to join the working world (assuming you're like me and didn't go to college). You live with your parents, but you don't want to live with your parents. You might be making money, but you're still not financially-independent and definitely not financially-wise.

I could go on but to put this simply, nineteen is like being put on a mental kid-adult seesaw and it's hell. Angst over.

Which leads to "The Apartment Project" that all started with my mother. I don't listen to my mom often, but I remember this advice she gave my sister once after Dominique got her first job. My mom told her that she should spend her paychecks on buying furniture. Everything from couches, kitchenware, etc. That way once she was ready to move-out on her own, she wouldn't have to stress on buying furniture to fill her empty home and instead could focus on the more adult-things like bills and whatnot.

The advice was for my sixteen year old sister, but little twelve-thirteen year old me was the one to actually take it and run with it.

The first thing I did when I started making money (graduation and work) was just what my mother's advice entails. I bought a bunch of furniture beginning with my room.

I started with my bed. I bought a new bed frame (a cute twin daybed), a mattress, new comforter, sheets, bed skirt, silk pillowcase, canopy, even false flowers to wrap around it and really pull together the dreamy effect.

I also have other things like purple and white curtain (see through...), a purple minifridge,  a new white desk, misc, and the newest addition a rug to finally cover my unsightly tiled floor!!

Still on my list to get is a white dresser, new sunblocking curtains, and a modest-sized tv. One small enough for a bedroom, but big enough for a living room.

After I finish up collecting the main things for my bedroom I plan to move on to bathroom furniture, then kitchen, then living room. Hopefully by the time I'm collecting living room furniture I'll have more of a direction where my life is going.

I want to record as much of this "Apartment Project" as possible so I plan to make a post again when my room is done which should be soon☺
i even have some before pictures from a long time ago for the moment which are quite shameful... I'm a hideous slob.

Aurora Greenway is #Goals

AKA Pretty Much a Terms of Endearment Movie Review.

So it's no secret my favorite movie of all time, forever and always, nothing will ever top it is, Terms of Endearment.

Mainly because of the plot and just how beautifully directed this movie was. It's set up in a way that really makes you feel like you're apart of this family's life. Watching them grow. Which of course makes it all the more beautiful and inevitably tragic.

It's also so artistic and realistic. The character's aren't just black and white, they have their own lives and even style.  They're fleshed out and detailed in ways beyond any other. Which you can give that credit to Larry McMurtry.

I mean you have a soon-to-be-bride smoking pot in her bedroom wearing her veil while singing Anything Goes. If that's not art and serious depth I don't know what is!

and some of the dialogue. It's just so realistic, touching, and relatable. 

"Momma, that's the first time I stopped hugging first. I like that."

Though this movie explores so deeply into love and life. It was the mother-daughter dynamic of it that impacted me.

Shirley Maclaine and Debra Winger play their roles so spot on that I often forget in real life they're Shirley and Debra and NOT Aurora and Emma.

Watching the movie you'd NEVER know or believe that these two had a bit of bad blood behind the scenes while one was coming down from a drug addiction. They're both just that good!

"I just don't want to fight anymore."

"What do you mean? When do we fight?"

"WHEN do we FIGHT? I always think of us as fighting!"

"That's because you're never satisfied with me."

Personally they should of both had that Oscar if possible, but I guess Shirley Maclaine did earn it with that unforgettable hospital scene and the opening! 

Speaking of Shirley Maclaine her character Aurora's whole aesthetic is my inspiration in life! It also plays a large role to why I admire this movie!

She lives in this gorgeously decorated vintage home that carries this pastel (mainly pink) vibe I dream of through out! She's so classy and you'll often catch her with a cardigan draped over her shoulder, or outside in her white gazebo, or both!

Her white gazebo that's in her lavish backyard. With the nicest garden, statues, a birdbath (fountain?), and everything else a person can dream of for their backyard!

"Don't worship me until I've earned it"

Of course like briefly mentioned before, this movie explores deeply into both love and life! It's just the mother-daughter aspect I barely touched on. There is romance it goes into, growing up and growing old, and so much more!

I tried to leave everything vague so that way you'll be forced to watch the movie to understand. It's so beautiful and heartwrenching and if just one person reads this and watches the movie for whether it be the first time or the hundredth I will be extremely grateful!

It's on Netflix and I hope should you watch it, you fall in love with it like I have❤

note: sorry for the low quality photos!! I used the Netflix app, screenshot it on my phone, then blew them up on the computer so....

Oops, I did it again.

And by "It" I mean made another blog ... again...

I have this horrible habit of making a blog. Blogging useless junk. Deleting blog because I find it "cluttered" with useless junk. Then making a new one. I've been going through this vicious cycle for at least 3-4 years now.

No more though! I, Alex hereby swear to love this new blog. In sickness and in health. For better or worse. To post content that years from now my kids and their kids and maybe even their kids as well will read and be like, "Wow. Grandma was kind of cool. I guess she did have an okay life after all."

Ok, now that I'm done marrying my newest blog, I'm going to clean my room

because cleaning my room is how I'm going to convince my future off spring I'm cool.