This has got to be the biggest one. Whenever I say it, it just doesn't come out naturally. It's foreign. Like accepting I was nineteen was nothing no big deal. I wasn't excited, but it wasn't weird or unreal. Something about 20 though. It's powerful, it's honest to God scary. Maybe it's because there is no longer a "teen" ending my age thus signifying that by numerical years spent on the Earth I truly am a representation of an adult. Mentally though... I'm still feeling like I need to catch up. The only "solace" I have for this is that most twenty year olds don't know what they're doing either, so it's okay. Thankfully I may be "old" but I still have a life ahead of me to figure things out.
But what scares me most is this thought I had. If I die tomorrow the news will report 20 year old WOMAN dead. And something about the term "woman" to describe me is odd. Like jokes aside, I think I'm starting to understand that old Britney Spears's MV when she's on the mountains singing about how she's not a girl, not yet a woman lolol
This one doesn't shock me as much. Not much has changed since my baptism besides me not drinking or swearing* anymore and trying to be a bit more modest at least in public. Sometimes I do forget though, or it doesn't occur to me until I'm talking to someone in the church and I think something like "Yeah they're Mormon" and I have to have a Dora the Explorer let's stop and think moment and realize, "Oh wait... me too..." Most friends assumed I was LDS anyways and I grew up in a LDS family so I knew what to expect and was ahead of the game.
I'm attractive.
Or maybe not "attractive" but attracting? Not saying oh pity me I'm ugly. I can safely say I got over the whole low-self esteem routine once I left high school and had no more girls to compare to I guess, Idk. Wish I left the social anxiety in high school too can't have it all, POINT IS. I've noticed a lot more attention from male counterparts this year specifically. At first I just thought it was a weird alignment of the stars and the universe tripped out or something, but then I would attract more attention. Maybe cause I'm with the public more? A "Singles's" Ward? Idk. Maybe there is truth behind the whole "confidence attracts" sayings because I look and act the same honest! Only difference is I'm way more sure of myself.
So that's cool I guess.
